SONG SPOTLIGHT: Maybe I’m Not Alone After All…

Everybody seems to make it look so easy, you know? It’s probably the curse of social media and podcast addiction. It just seems to me that everybody has it all together…except me, of course.

In my head, I understand that everybody is faking it.  I mean, I realize that being an adult really means just figuring out how to act like I’ve got it all figured out. Other men tell me so all the time.

But when I look at the stories on my Instagram feed and listen to the interviews on my favorite podcasts, I’m tempted to believe that my life should look a lot different by now.

Like…I should be a better husband after eight years with a wonderful wife.
Like…I really should know how to get my two year-old son to behave in a restaurant.
Like…my church should be growing faster than it is after more than a year.
Like…my spiritual maturity should measure up to my library by now.
Like…do other men feel like a failure when they struggle financially like I do?
Like…do other people even struggle financially? Everyone seems better off than me.
Like…why can’t I stop sinning after 20 years as a Christian?
Like…why do I struggle with envy toward those who DO have all it together?

It’s exhausting. It’s demoralizing. Life is hard. And everyone’s online posturing doesn’t help. Why is my life so hard when everyone else’s seems so easy?

That’s just one reason why I’m thankful for my favorite hip-hop ensemble: Beautiful Eulogy. Not only do they get it, but they evidently are unafraid to admit that they don’t have it all together either. It’s pretty encouraging to hear someone you admire admit their insecurities.

I mean, Odd Thomas is one of my favorite musical artists of all time. He’s one-third of the tremendous Beautiful Eulogy. He started a record label that gives content away for free. He seems like he’s making it in one of the least Christian cities in America. He belongs to a wonderful church. He’s a talented spoken-word poet. And he’s even a pastor.

And it’s Odd Thomas’ verse in Omnipotent (from the album Worthy) that has profoundly ministered to my soul.

Yeah I understand what it means to be branded as a Biblical man
But I can’t stand the fact that I still try to live up to man’s standards
It’s really hard for me to be perceived as needy
When everyone around me seems to be succeeding
While making life look so easy
I’m constantly fighting this feeling of failing as a father
And this feeling of falling short as a husband
This sort of never measuring up
Of course it’s all in my mind, it’s just an expression my pride
Yeah I get it, but it’s still hard for me to admit it sometimes
I get so tired of taking refuge in my own strength
While standing with the weight of my insecurities on my back until my bones break
It won’t make a difference to my situation as a whole
Whether I tend to hold it together for the moment
Or pretend to be in control
God mold me into a man who holds fast to your everlasting hands
Give me the strength that I need to get past my circumstances
God rescue me, make my desperate attempts cause me to confess my dependence
And may the depths of my weakness make strength perfected

Evidently, he and I share some of the same struggles and insecurities. That alone is encouraging. But he also helpfully identifies the root of some of those thoughts. He calls this sort of despair that I so often feel “an expression of my pride.” He begs God to help him relinquish his attempts at controlling his life. My problem is the same as his. I am obsessed with my idea of success and I am bent on controlling the narrative of my life. And, ultimately, I do not perceive God to be omnipotent and benevolent.

The truth is that God is in control. And He loves me deeply. He loves me enough to give me what I need and to teach me what I need to know. I need to learn to relinquish control and trust His sovereignty.

I pray you are encouraged by this song. Let’s confess God’s omnipotence together and place our trust in His everlasting hands.

Almighty God, omnipotent
You’re my confidence
You’re my confidence
I am so convinced
You hold me in my helplessness
You’re my confidence
You’re my confidence
I am so convinced

Amen. Jesus, help me be convinced.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s